You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there's paper in my vomit.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
