I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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