You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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