I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Soap is not a condiment
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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