Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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