I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
