You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
