I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
