i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
