it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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