im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
