I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
