if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
