she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
whose parrot is this?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
