So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
