I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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