Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
