That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
