Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
