You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
