Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
