she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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