Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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