Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
