I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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