I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
