It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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