i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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