You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
