Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
