Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
