That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just had sex on a roof
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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