No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
