I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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