am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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