fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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