This is not my ceiling
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
