So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Alive.
So much puke
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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