there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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