I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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