You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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