I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Green mimosas i think yes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
