You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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