shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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