9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
