Did you just see the Batmobile???
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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