The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
