saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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