whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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