Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Let's paint friendship bongs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
