you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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