You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize