$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just cut my nipple shaving
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
