There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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