thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
