I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
