the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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