did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
