I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
