So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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