Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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