Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
