he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
