also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
