ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
