So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
