do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize