Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
