I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
