I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
