im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
