Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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