hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
