Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
